The explanation for my extroverted introversion

Hey guys! This little post is about something I’ve been living with for about 5 years. It’s not a disease, don’t worry, but it’s something that I’ve had to cope with. It sounds crazy, and could possibly give a ‘melodramatic’ vibe, but I feel I must explain this to myself as it’s taken me a while to realise it myself.

Ever since high school, and being the subject of 5 years of torment based on me being ‘different’, I grew a certain distaste to myself and my personality. Everything that I was, was wrong. No matter how much I tried to fit in and be ‘normal’, I was rejected and ridiculed. Hell, my whole family was affected by this. We all took our different paths, and for me, the path I chose was to rid myself of the personality I had. Well, not completely destroy it, but in situations where I would deem the introverted me to be inadequate, I would adopt this new self. Completely manufactured in my head as a tool to cope with dealing with people.

I never knew how to describe this person. It WAS me, but only when I’m outside. It’s not being fake, nor is it a second personality. its Extroverted introversion.

It’s a phase that people go through as a way to adapt to an extroverted world. Parties, socialising, networking (eugh), school clubs, university, all of these things require social skills. As an introvert I tend to lack those skills and that, that side was inefficient to cope with the world I live in. With that thought I developed an extroverted side. This side isn’t authentic, that’s for sure.However, I’m not fake. I’m not two-faced. But it’s not the me that exists at home, or when I’m comfortable. It is the me that I use when I need to negotiate, communicate, and essentially network. This is the me that allows me to network. Everything he does is with a purpose. Every step that I take, every breath that I take is for a purpose. That purpose is business. To make it so that I can flourish in a world where it’s ‘who’ and not ‘what’ you know, that defines your success.

This side allows me to put on a facade to get me through those things. It allows me to wear the mask of business and success. When you see me outside, I’m not Safwan the introvert. I’m Safwan, the extrovert. I will smile, laugh and be the business man who I developed. Yes it’s brought me problems (which I’ll discuss later), but I very much enjoy what he brings. Without him, I wouldn’t be here, with a tonne of volunteering done and a variety of friends from so many different countries. Being an extroverted introvert is truly beneficial. Sometimes hard, but definitely beneficial.

Here are two websites that helped me understand my conundrum.

Anyway, I’m done for now. Feel free to comment, etc, and I’ll see you soon.

For now, Safiibox out!


Choir boy problems

Hey guys. I’m sorry for the rather sporadic posts, but it’s hard when you don’t leave the house, and therefore have nothing to write about. I’m an introvert through and through… a lazy one at that. However, despite rarely leaving the house, I’ve managed to get myself into a hobby that I intend to progress into a full-blown career eventually, and with a lot of planning, patience, etc, etc. That hobby is singing.

I like singing. I love to sing. I’ve always liked it, I’ve just never been confident with myself or with others hearing me to really go and pursue it. I’ve always wanted to prove to myself that I can sing, and can blast people away with my voice, but it’s proving difficult to get that confidence, even to myself. The reason I used the said title is simple. I’ve joined a choir, and it’s causing me problems. Boom. Done. Magic. However, the reasons why I’ve joined a choir is simple. I think I mentioned it before but I’ll mention it again. 1. Confidence. It’s the first and foremost most important reason to me. I NEED CONFIDENCE. It’s that simple. 2. Performance skills. I live to perform. Got it from my dad, according to my mum. I’ve got that going for me and I didn’t even know! 3. Connections. Why? Well, in the adult world, networking is the most necessary of all evils. I need to network, or else I’ll never go far. My parents have done their bit, time to do mine.

However, there’s a problem. I still have no confidence. I know that this is a gradual process, but it’s becoming more and more apparent just how low my confidence is in myself, and it’s really easy to see just how much of a facade I can put on whilst in the meantime being completely aware that I have no confidence whatsoever. What the hell is wrong with me? After all I’ve been through. My life hasn’t been tough, but I’ve had to adapt to very awkward situations and pretend that I have confidence, and of course, showing confidence and having it is very different. Because showing confidence is smiling when sad, essentially. And having confidence is not being sad at all. My question to you is: How do you get that confidence? I have confidence in so many things, but singing is different. I feel like I’m putting my self out there. Laying myself bare for all eyes to see, to feel, to watch. If my singing isn’t up to scratch I feel, how can you connect to me?

I guess to anyone reading. If you have any singing advice and how to get your confidence up, not only with hearing your voice, but making others feel confident in your voice too, then please tell me. I would greatly appreciate everything you say. Thank you.

Until next time. Safiibox out!

Dancing flower

Hey guys! I can’t be bothered with the new year crap, so whatever!

I’ve been having a confidence slump lately and I accredit that to the lack of progress I’ve had with anything over the past three weeks. I hate myself for it, but it was very necessary for my sanity (which is my usual excuse). Mind you, I usually have these confidence slumps when things don’t work out to my plan and it gets me in a rather ‘meh’ mood. Like I don’t want to really think, or even exist at those times. Just sleep, but more of a coma as opposed to a normal, conventional sleep. But that’s just me.

This song that I whipped up in what felt like two minutes came from a new amazing artist(s) who I have already become addicted to, who goes by the name of: Geinoh Yamashirogumi. They’re japanese, and by gum, they are AMAZING! This song is about a little flower, and I’m teaching it to dance! Simple. But it has a deeper message of raising confidence. Someone will be there to raise your confidence, and in this case, I will be the one to do it (although it’s usually the other way round with my life..) Here you go: Dancing flower.

Verse 1
Walking among trees
A delicate flower
Moves to the sound of my footsteps
Could it be true?
The flower is you?
The flower is you?

Petals sway in summer heat
I am swayed by its movement
I revel in its glee
And dance with it too

Dance x8

Verse 2
Would you like to see?
Me move so freely?
Like the wind in the trees
As gentle as the breeze
As gentle as the breeze

A step, a skip, a hop, a jump
I move my legs
To the sound of the hum
And the cries of the forest

I’ve got my dancing shoes on

Dance x8

Come join me
Little one
I will bring out the life
Bring out the fiery one

I will bring you out
And the depths of your soul
I will get you out
To show them all

They will see
Who you are
You will get your chance
You will show your grace

They will see you dance

Chorus x2

Tell me what you think, like, star, etc, and I will obviously get back to you!

Talk soon- Safiibox out!

Choir boy

Hey guys- and a happy new year to you too. Yay!

I guess in light of the new year, I’ve got a new plan. With this whole music career thing in the works (check my earlier blogs to see what I’m referring to) I was wondering about ways to increase my chances in performing at live gigs, popularity, ways to get my voice heard and personality seen. I love music, and I feel that this would be a good way to help me in my life, and grant me a happy life. But, with so many ways to go about it, and so many ways to fall flat on your face, I figured that the best way for a beginner like me to get a grasp of what performing with your voice is like, would be to throw myself in a choir, despite having had a total of 6 lessons of singing. 6. Not a lot I know, but enough for me to work with… I think.

I don’t do new years resolutions, but my plan for this year is to get my foot in the door of the music industry. Get into a choir of singers from my hometown. Rehearse, perform, etc with them, and hopefully find people who know the business that I’m trying to get into, and hopefully get me performing live, and making music. That’s my plan for this year, as well as finishing my degree and working on songs too… and the piano… can’t forget the piano. Do you think that’s a good enough plan for this year? Not even this year, could be for a mere 4 months, who knows? I just need those connections as coldly as it sounds. connections are key to getting anywhere! And I’m not going to stop until my hands are wrapped around my dreams… at all.

Anyway, feel free to comment, etc, and I’ll cath you guys later.

Safiibox out!