Hey guys! This little post is about something I’ve been living with for about 5 years. It’s not a disease, don’t worry, but it’s something that I’ve had to cope with. It sounds crazy, and could possibly give a ‘melodramatic’ vibe, but I feel I must explain this to myself as it’s taken me a while to realise it myself.
Ever since high school, and being the subject of 5 years of torment based on me being ‘different’, I grew a certain distaste to myself and my personality. Everything that I was, was wrong. No matter how much I tried to fit in and be ‘normal’, I was rejected and ridiculed. Hell, my whole family was affected by this. We all took our different paths, and for me, the path I chose was to rid myself of the personality I had. Well, not completely destroy it, but in situations where I would deem the introverted me to be inadequate, I would adopt this new self. Completely manufactured in my head as a tool to cope with dealing with people.
I never knew how to describe this person. It WAS me, but only when I’m outside. It’s not being fake, nor is it a second personality. its Extroverted introversion.
It’s a phase that people go through as a way to adapt to an extroverted world. Parties, socialising, networking (eugh), school clubs, university, all of these things require social skills. As an introvert I tend to lack those skills and that, that side was inefficient to cope with the world I live in. With that thought I developed an extroverted side. This side isn’t authentic, that’s for sure.However, I’m not fake. I’m not two-faced. But it’s not the me that exists at home, or when I’m comfortable. It is the me that I use when I need to negotiate, communicate, and essentially network. This is the me that allows me to network. Everything he does is with a purpose. Every step that I take, every breath that I take is for a purpose. That purpose is business. To make it so that I can flourish in a world where it’s ‘who’ and not ‘what’ you know, that defines your success.
This side allows me to put on a facade to get me through those things. It allows me to wear the mask of business and success. When you see me outside, I’m not Safwan the introvert. I’m Safwan, the extrovert. I will smile, laugh and be the business man who I developed. Yes it’s brought me problems (which I’ll discuss later), but I very much enjoy what he brings. Without him, I wouldn’t be here, with a tonne of volunteering done and a variety of friends from so many different countries. Being an extroverted introvert is truly beneficial. Sometimes hard, but definitely beneficial.
Here are two websites that helped me understand my conundrum.
Anyway, I’m done for now. Feel free to comment, etc, and I’ll see you soon.
For now, Safiibox out!