I am Me.

So as I sit here, or should I say, rocking back and forth here, with the thought of starting my dissertation looming over me, I decided, in a fit of desperate procrastination to write a little song/ poem that reflects me in some way. I think I’ve found a pretty easy way to release my worries in a creative way now, which is something that I’ve been searching for a while now. Pat on the back for me!

If I had an instrument… or could play an instrument, I would totally make a song out of this. But alas, not today! I have the tune in my head, all I need is to learn how to put what’s in my brain onto paper! Anyway, here it is: I am Me– my first poem, song, thing.

I am Me.

I’m a freak
I’m a geek
I am weird
I am queer
I am all of the above
But these words you should not fear.

I am more than what you say
I have more I can display
These words may label me
But ignore them and set me free..
Please…

For I am an expert
On being an introvert
I am comfortable
Being uncomfortable
I’m not the one you see
Nor the one you’d rather be
But I am me..
I am me.

I am strange
I am lame
I am crude
I am untamed
I have no saving graces
I am not going places
But wait, please don’t complain.

I do not know the ‘norm’
And I never will conform
Is that enough reason to hate me?
Subjugate, torment and tease me?
Exclude me from your circles
And being three degrees of hurtful?
Maybe.. Maybe.

For I am an expert
On being an introvert
I am comfortable
Being uncomfortable
I’m not the one you see
Nor the one you’d rather be
But I am me..
I am me.

Life isn’t fun being the odd one out
No where to go, always living in doubt
Am I that strange?
Am I deranged?
Am I the one who should be locked up- insane?

Am I the one who should be shunned away?
Exiled from others for being a tiny bit crazy
Am I the freak who people walk away from?
But am I the one who is really in the wrong?

Yes I am quirky, and not entirely ‘there’
But I am still one of you, so what’s the need to stare
I’m not the type of person who is easy to know
But am I really the one who just needs to go?
No… No… No… No..

 For I am an expert
On being an introvert
I am comfortable
Being uncomfortable
I’m not the one you see
Nor the one you’d rather be
But I am me…
I am me.

I’m a freak
I’m a geek
I am weird
I am queer
I am all of the above
But these words you should not fear.

Feel free to comment or whatever, I would love to see what you have to say about it. Thank you, and I’ll see you around!

Safiibox out!

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My INFP profile. An insight and review of sorts. Part 2~

Part 2. Let’s do this.

‘INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP’s value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same – the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.’ I’m not entirely sure about this. It’s difficult to recognize whether I am more intuitive than others since I obviously cannot read minds… or can I? I’m not sure. I do, however, feel that everything I encounter has a purpose in life. Everyone and/or thing, be t good, bad or obscure was there for a reason. Be it a test, an example to learn from, whatever, I always see that person or thing as something that was put there for a reason, I don’t have to be aware of that reason, but it may hit me later on in life I just don’t know it yet. I do also want to benefit society, as mentioned before, and in regards to me using what I have experienced as tools to allow me to better myself and the world, I believe that this statement is true. I just said that I feel everything has a reason and I may not be aware of it now, but it’ll be important in the future… in some way.

‘Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.’ Yes. Completely agree. I would say that I’m a pretty good listener (again, no trumpet-blowing here), and it ties into my desire to help the person going through their issues and worries. However, my patience for self-pity is very weak, so I’ll listen to you once, maybe twice, but if you run with it, I’ll run you over (not literally of course). In regards to the reserved emotions oh yes. I’m not one to show emotion. Consider me cold, or whatever, but I don’t like to get emotional since I feel like the person would want advice from me, not someone else to cry with. You have other people to do that with, not me… just saying. But as I said, I do genuinely like to help, so I’ll still be there for you, just don’t aim for an emotional response it’s like getting blood out of a stone. Now whether people see me as a good friend or confidante I cannot say, as I’m not a person who flaunts their strengths willy-nilly. Nope. With the warmth, I kind of agree. Kind of. As I said, I’ll support you, and be there for you, but if you want me to give you advice, I’m not gonna be your crying buddy, I’ll give you advice, but in the nicest way possible, unless you parade your problems like it’s your job, then it’s a wrap from me. In fact, sometimes I think that the more friendly I am with someone, the less I care about projecting warmth, mostly because I think that they already know that I’m listening to them, so I don’t have to overly sell the fact that I’m trying to listen to them. They know it, so why should I really care about being friendly with my advice. Give the what they need and move on… but maybe that’s a problem… not sure.

Anyway, I’ll post the next one up tomorrow hopefully, but for now SafiiBox out!

Music: Lily Allen- Who’d have known, Ariana Grande- Break Free, Girls Aloud- The Loving Kind, Seether- Fade Away

My INFP profile. An insight and review of sorts. Part 1~

By no means am I trying to sound narcissistic, but with these types of things, there is little room to avoid such a thing, so if I end up sounding a bit big-headed, forgive me, and have a look at your own type to feel what I felt! Oh, also, there is a lot to say about this portrait, so I’m going to have to divide my analysis into smaller sections. Sorry, but I won’t give up on them, trust me! Sorry again.

Anyway, to me, I do feel like ‘the idealist’ type defines me pretty well. I am an introvert, very much so, As it said ‘As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system.’ I am very internally focused, often being in my own world, or resorting to music as a means to wade through the chaos in my head… often in vain. This desire to always want to be alone to figure myself out has been existent for a while now, and although people may see me as aloof, or awkward in certain situations, I’m simply retracting from the real world for a bit to gather my thoughts, that’s all.

  ‘INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves’ This refers to my overall goal in life I assume. Or perhaps a general overlook. Either way, lets gets analyzing! So my primary goal: To find my meaning in life. Well, I hope that is what everyone wants. What exactly is the point in living if you don’t find meaning in it. So I agree with that little line. I am indeed searching for the meaning of my life. Why I was put here, in this specific life. Doesn’t that interest you? To find out why you have lived the life you have? As a Muslim, who believes in a semi-preordained life I am always questioning why I’m here. Seriously. Like, everyday. The other questions are also true I feel. What is my purpose? How can I truly help society? I believe that more can be achieved. Like there is more for me in this world, I just haven’t attained that ability to be come more that I am now. Mind you, Isn’t everyone like that? To be more than what you are already? Surely no one is ever that comfortable with themselves to not consider themselves more than what they are, right? I am definitely a perfectionist, but fickle too. I can be very meticulous in my pursuit of one thing, only for the next moment to give up as my mind hops onto a new gimmick to exploit. Like my academic interests… which we won’t talk about… unless you want me to.

Anyway, there are about 8 more paragraphs for me to look into, but I’m writing a lot here, so I’m going to cover the next 2 paragraphs soon. But for now, I will see you around, SafiiBox out.

Music: The Cardigans. Just ‘The Cardigans’

The idealist- a look into me, an INFP type of person~

Now I guess this is where my attentions really lie. As a psychology student, or ex-psychology student, I am very interested in how others perceive the world that we live in, and after thinking about what I could write, I thought ‘Hey, let’s give this personality malarkey a shot’, so, here I go.

Now, first, to the readers unaware of what I am referring to, have a look at this website and take part in the test it offers: http://www.personalitypage.com/html/indicate.html

Upon doing the quiz you shall be given a personality type. Now what makes this type of test a bit more interesting is just how many types there are (around 16), and when it comes to tests like these, the more results, the better! Now, another thing is the 4 letter abbreviation (e.g. INFP). This little abbreviation isn’t really important (to me anyway) as it doesn’t define me as much as the actual personality type does. Lastly, the headings at the top will allow you to look further into your personality type in your relationships, careers, etc. Interesting, and insightful, just the stuff you need to go spelunking in that vast abyss known as your mind.

With me, I fell into the ‘INFP- The idealist’ type, and I guess, of the many tests I have taken, this is by far the most accurate depiction of what I stand for and how I see the world. It goes on to say that we are highly intuitive, creative, and surprisingly, good writers, counselors, teachers, etc. Their words, not mine. Of course, I’m merely selecting a few, and I’ll provide a link to what they said in full, but you get the picture. http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INFP.html (or just look at my next-ish post for my impressions on what they said)

I will write about my impressions of my portrait soon, but I would love for you to have a go at this test and comment with what you have received! I would love to hear about the way you see the world that you live in, and whether the type defines you well enough to make you think ‘why yes, that IS me’. or, on the contrary, why your type does not, in fact, define you, or the world you live in. Either way, I want to know.

Anyway, for now. See you around!

The Cardigans: Paralyzed, lead me into the night… In general, The Cardigans

Evolution

I’m not entirely sure where I’m going with this one, mind you, I’m very fickle so I haven’t really been keeping up with this blog malarkey, despite only making two so far… but, yeah. Whatever. I guess the thing I’ve been thinking of for a while is the idea of ‘evolution’, and no, not the evolutionary theory, evolution in regards to who we are and what we define ourselves as.

Today was fairly dull. ‘Why?’ I hope you ask, well it’s because I didn’t learn anything today. Not a damn thing. I’ve essentially wasted a day doing nothing, and by nothing, I mean learning. To me, I must always learn something new. Be it about my degree, other people or myself. Having done none of that I remembered the goal I made to myself whilst I was abroad. I wanted to make it so that I could see myself evolve everyday, with each day being a new step to a heightened sense of self. I want to be able to look back in a years time and see the flaws that I once had now vanquished, or the strengths that I had, had in fact become more prominent. I think human beings should always be learning- well, there is the saying that ‘you learn something new everyday’, but I feel like you should intentionally learn, not just passively encounter knowledge.

As a human being who is always trying to better himself, I need to learn to make sure I’m moving that one step closer to my ultimate goal, whatever it may be. It’s my goal that drives me forward, and even though it eludes me, I’m fine with that. So long as I progress. I only need to know that the me who existed yesterday is less knowledgeable than the me of today. As long as I get that gratification, I am happy. After all, you can never know too much, or even enough. I’ve learnt that lesson with my never-ending pursuit of perfecting my Japanese linguistic skills… which will never happen. But I’m okay with that too, as I said- ‘so long as I learn’.

I guess what I’m trying to say, is- please try your best to actively learn something new everyday. If you want to develop and evolve as a person, then, just for a minute or two, learn something. Perhaps this is something you’re very well aware of, but you never know. If not, then consider this something to learn too. What do you believe? Are you comfortable with yourself at this moment in time? Do you think I’m a bit crazy with the whole ‘everyday-learning’ thing?

Anyway, I’ll write soon-ish (a very big ‘ish’), but for now, see you around, I guess

Songs: Florence and the Machine:- Blinding, Cosmic Love