Writing 101: A Room with a View (or Just a View) (Inspired by Akira Yamaoka – Shallow Arch)

To be alone is a state that only few people truly enjoy. To be able to reflect, and be connected to oneself in the deepest of manners is a luxury to only some of us. A luxury that I seldom feel. My mind is cluttered with thoughts ranging back to my childhood. Old worries, paranoias, and questions that have plagued me long ago, still linger on, with the addition of new ones. I sit and contemplate the existence of such things. When will they leave? How can I make them leave? Yes, being alone is a luxury, but how can one feel alone, when you are always present in your mind. To me, I feel like I am everywhere, representing every single what-if, or why.

My dream location is not just a location, it is also a state. A state where I am free from worry, doubt. A place where the only sound I can hear, is silence. Imagine what that could feel like. To me, all I can see is blackness, and what do I feel? Nothing. That is what being alone is to me. Absolute nothingness, and this is where I would like to go. The location does not exist, but it does too. Where does it exist if it is impossible to reach whilst you are alive? I assume you already know. The place where I want to go, the place free of life’s burdens is a place completely contrary to life. A place so dark, where nothing exists, is the only place where one can feel and attain true respite. No, I do not want to go to a physical location limited to this realm. I want to visit the only realm where I can truly find peace. I want to die.


Let the end commence.

So as I mentioned in my last blog, I am now heading into my 4th and final year at the University of Central Lancashire (Uclan for short) and my feelings… are mixed.

Autumn has hit again, and I’m listening to a song that I have listened to religiously at this time of year for the past 4 years(Exceeding Love- Himekami). Kind of at the beginning of Autumn and during the countdown to university. Autumn hasn’t been my favourite of the four seasons. The foreboding knowledge that winter is fast approaching as summer slips away day by day for another 12 months; which in England feels like an eternity, is rather sad to me.

It’s also ironic how the start of the school year is synonymous with the season of death. The end of a time where lush green forests and long days were amongst the many wonders of the year, and for that to be swept away by the bitter winds of Autumn is oh so cruel. Mind you, my life up to this point has been education, so I have grown up with Autumn signalling another long year of work, and boredom (Oh Pavlov, you sly dog).

*changes song* (Shimamiya Eiko- Kyuudou no hito remix) Ah yes.

Even though Autumn is the sign of an end, I’ve always started something new in Autumn, this particular season gives me strength far greater than the other seasons, more so than Spring, the season of life essentially.

Yes, with the new year comes a new awakening. A newly found sense of confidence, determination and self, that, with enough motivation, can last well into the dead of winter, where you might as well hibernate (if only we had what other mammals had… lucky things). The feeling of self empowerment is one of the greatest feelings someone like me can feel. To look at the challenge, that is the year to come, straight in the eye without any fear is something I wish I could do for all tasks in life.

With anyone reading this returning to university that they could be feeling this, and if so, perhaps a word of advice?
This next year will be the toughest in your life at this point academically. But look forward and charge in with a sharp mind.
And I always listen to powerful music too, like the songs I’ve been listening to. Charge yourself up, get yourself in that mindset. Nothing is going to stop you from getting to the goal that is the end of the semester, and then the year. Days may feel tough, but think ahead. Think about graduation, about the days where you can wake up at any time for four whole months, well, at least six weeks. You probably already are, but I want you to visualise it. It WILL happen. Now do you want it to happen with, or without regret or worry? If so, then now is the time to get ready. You’ve got this.

Does anyone agree with me? Who dislikes Autumn because of university?
Who feels empowered by it though?
What music do you listen to around this time of year?

Speak to you soon!

An introduction into the life of me, Safiibox~

I’m currently listening to an amazing mash-up between Wes- Alane and Kylie Minogue- In my arms and as I’m bobbing my head up and down, I’m hoping the euphoria that I’m feeling right now is somehow being conveyed through the very words you are reading~

In fact, I’ll let that start me off. I am an intense lover of music. She is my master, and I am her ever-loyal slave and I will often be listening to music whilst writing, so hopefully my emotions will be carried through to you! I find that music allows me to access emotions and memories that are otherwise unobtainable. My favourite emotions being absolute euphoria, tension, heart-wrenching sadness… Is that bad? No, I didn’t think so~ (Whenever there is a tilde, just imagine yourself doing a quirky little pose.. since that’s what I do.. even in real life.)

Now onto the demographics:

  • My name is Safwan Foy, but Safiibox is my computer ego. Personally thought it was catchy.. Safiibox~ (quirky pose time!) yeah
  • I’m the youngest of 4 (3 boys and 1 girl) and was brought upon this earth on the 18th of March in 1993, in the small(ish) Lancashire town known as Blackburn, England. Britain represent!
  • Now this doesn’t matter to me, but I’m sure it will to some of you, but I’m a Pisces.. yeah. Psychologically (Carl Jung personality type) speaking I am an INFP type (look it up if you want).
  • I am also mixed-race– with a blend of both English and Indian, infused with hints of French, Irish, Scottish and Arabic. That’s one crazy cup of tea~
  • I am currently in my last year of university, the ‘University of Central Lancashire‘ to be specific studying Major Japanese with a Minor in Psychology (yes.. I’ll talk about this later).

I can’t remember any more details but this blog will just be a means to escape from the tedium of life and allow me to spew my opinions and, well, whatever tickle my fancy (as I said). I’ll also post up the music I was listening to, just in case you were getting vibes from the blog and wanted to join in on the emotions… if.. if that makes sense.

So right now- Wes feat Kylie Minogue (mash-up)- In My Arms

Oh and a disclaimer. None of this music is mine. I have no rights to this stuff… so… yeah… don’t attack me.

Thank you, I hope you enjoy my rose-tinted view on life, and stay tuned for more!